Awkward pauses. Stumbling over words. The panic of finding a seat in a crowded lunchroom.
Secondary school, by nature, is uncomfortable – and that’s exactly how it should be. The familiar discomfort we’ve all lived through is precisely how young people learn to communicate, adapt and build resilience.
Or at least, it used to be.
Today, smartphones act as an instant escape hatch from real-life awkwardness. The moment a young person encounters social discomfort or anxiety, the screen offers immediate relief in the palm of their hand – bypassing the essential process of learning to cope.
Charlotte Ashton, journalist and co-founder of Generation Focus, outlines this struggle: “For most young people, secondary school is an emotionally psychologically challenging environment. This is a good thing. Learning, making friends, one’s growing self-awareness and a changing body can all feel excruciating at times... Secondary school is also the only time throughout most people’s lives when they have the perfect opportunity to learn how to cope through the anxiety these experiences bring. It is a uniquely precious time.”
By conducting relationships behind a screen, rather than navigating face-to-face interactions, young people are missing out on the foundational experiences that shape emotional maturity. The result isn’t a generation protected from anxiety, but one experiencing rising levels of loneliness, delayed communication skills, and a fragile capacity for genuine connection.
Communication deficit and its impact on young people
Jennifer Powers, founder of Unplugged Coalition, shares powerful data that outlines exactly how damaging screen relationships can be: “The World Health Organisation shows that the loneliest group in society are 13-17 year-olds. And I think that’s because they increasingly conduct the majority of their relationships online… and it doesn’t fulfil them in the same way.”
Nova Eden, founder of One Collective Power, agrees that online relationships are failing to bring people together in the way many of us would have hoped. “The internet is supposed to connect people. We’ve been sold that social media is going to connect us all and it’s going to be a better place, but actually it’s making it very lonely for these children. It’s very easy for them to just spend hours and hours on their devices rather than making those social arrangements to go and meet someone face to face.”
As adults, our relationship with devices has developed over time. Now, children are picking these same habits up earlier, in a far more insidious way – and Jane Rowland, co-founder of Safe Screens, believes it’s impacting their life prospects. “Sixth form leaders and employers have said, ‘We’re really concerned about these kids coming through from secondary school. They can’t look us in the eye, they can’t talk to us, they’re not spending time with their peers’... We’re damaging children’s future employability – their life chances.”
Eden also highlights the impact of the dopamine hit that comes from scrolling: “They’re getting such an unnatural amount of dopamine… that everything else becomes quite dull and boring. So they’re losing motivation. They don’t want to socialise… Those belly laughs and those bear hugs with friends – that’s really what we need. Those are the happy chemicals that we need. And it’s much more long-term than the kind of short dopamine hits we’re getting from our tech.”
The case for being bored
So what’s the alternative for young people who are so used to reaching for their phone?
It’s simple: being bored. While the word doesn’t sound appealing, experts argue there are huge benefits that come from children creating their own entertainment.
“Boredom is so important for children,” says Eden. “It’s not just a lull in between activities; it’s a breeding ground for creativity. I say let kids be bored.”
These lulls in activity also present the perfect environment for connection, as Ashton points out: “When we allow young people to have smartphones during unstructured social time, we block these opportunities [to connect]. Due to the presence of instant gratification and escapism, young people are no longer sitting with social discomfort long enough to learn how to navigate it – and we wonder why we’ve got growing anxiety…”
“Adolescence is all about learning to be a person and learning to interact with other people,” says Powers, “And it’s really understandable that young people want to hide in their phone because it’s really hard learning how to be a person, and it’s really hard interacting with other people.”
Rowland believes that the friction that comes from navigating ‘awkward’ social scenarios and moments of boredom is crucial to cognitive growth. “They’re losing those cognitive building blocks and that friction that is so important in childhood… A child just going for that quick workaround all the time… it’s problematic.”
Distraction-free but still connected
This is where a brick phone can offer a happy medium – providing children with a tool for necessary communication, without the bells, whistles and distractions they’ve become used to.
Guy Holder, co-founder of Set@16, believes in ‘boring’ phones: “Actually, what we want is a device where you pull it out to send a text and make a phone call, and then you put it away and don’t look at it again.”
As Sten Kirkbak, CEO of Xplora, argues, “Technology should support childhood, not consume it. The goal shouldn’t be to lock away technology, but to provide families with smart, practical alternatives that offer essential communication and safety features without the weight - and distraction - of the entire internet or toxic social platforms.”
This is the premise behind XploraOne, a “startphone” for children that’s free from social media, internet and apps, but still allows children to text and call (approved contacts).
Brick phone alternatives enable young people to sit in those moments of boredom we now know are so crucial, without having a tool for instant escapism and distraction. Kids stay connected with loved ones digitally, but have the space to form relationships in the real world too.
Rethinking technology in this way can only be a positive thing, creating happier childhoods with real-world connection.
